Journey into the Odd: The Living Dead Museum

Journey into the Odd: The Living Dead Museum

In the quest to visit as many oddities in the united states as possible the Living Dead Museum was definitely a must see. After all, how many museums are their specifically dedicated to zombies? As far as I can tell just the one. Located right on the outskirts of Pittsburg in Evens city Pennsylvania The Living Dead Museum can easily blend in with the rest of the store fronts surrounding it if not for its impressively large stand-out sign that make the museum very visible to passerby’s, but still zombie fans might want to keep both eyes in their sockets in order to not miss it or the parking lot behind the stores. 

From the parking lot to the store is just short walk back up to the Museum entrance and it’s easy enough to find the right building as the Living Dead Museum is all boarded up to up to keep out the ravenous flesh eating undead. Upon entering it should come as no surprise that the entire Museum is a one room rented store space split in two, with the front half being a gift shop while the back half is dedicated to the fully visible museum part.

The Museums itself is small, but only costs $5.00, so it takes about 10 minutes to go through at an appreciative pace so you might want to plan on seeing some of the other sights in Pittsburgh while you’re in town. Because of the size there is only so many prob to see, but what they have is impressive. The walls are covered with zombie memorabilia and quick facts about all of them there is a diorama recreation of the Monroeville Mall from Dawn of the dead which is actually located only 30 something minutes from the museum.

There are some more impressive features in the Museum including an old radio playing the original radio broadcasts that were heard in the film Night of the Living Dead, a mural that has the hand prints of all the zombie stars that have visited the museum and several original movie props from various Zombie films in cinema history.

When your through with the museum there is a small theater room where you can watch Night of the Living dead and several documentaries about the filming of the movie. There are no showtimes so what you get is what you get but it’s continuously playing as long as the museum is open.  Finally, there is the gift shop which has plenty of zombie memorabilia to choose from but very little in the way of Museum merchandise which some may prefer.

 
The living Dead Museum is a fun stop for any road trip but any vented adventurer of the bizarre and unknown knows that when looking for attractions that are off the beaten path you’re really going for the experience of something different and not necessarily to be dazzled by something as elaborate as Disneyland.  To the average tourist this place might seem underwhelming in comparison to museums like the Smithsonian but the Living Dead Museum has certainly come a long way in the five years its been open.  Starting out as a simple mall store word got out about what was going on and soon various individuals began donating actual movie props and money until they were finally able to purchase an actual storefront where they could set up all the fantastic displays they now have. So if your into zombies, oddities or just something a little different  and you happen to be driving through Pittsburgh take a detour to evens city and visit the birthplace of the zombie craze just make sure to plan out the rest of your day since the Museum won’t take you that long.

And now you know!

The living Dead Museum is closed on Mondays and Tuesdays only open upon appointment.
Entrance fee to the Museum is 5.00

Learn more at the official website

 

Cinema Saturday : Darkness Falls

Cinema Saturday Presents:  Darkness Falls

Year: 2003

Runtime: 86 min 96 min for extended blu-ray edition

Rating: PG-13

Movie Grade: B+

Principle Cast:                  

Director: Jonathan Liebesman

Writers: Joe Harris (story), John Fasano (screenplay)

Chaney Kley:  Kyle Walsh

Emma Caulfield: Caitlin Greene

Lee Cormie : Michael Greene

Synopsis:  The town of Darkness Falls has a dark secret that has been haunting them for centuries.  A ghostly figure haunts this sleepy little town, a vengeful spectator that snatches away anyone who is unfortunate enough to look upon her face.  Kyle Walsh is the only one to ever escape her clutches and now a little boy is being hunted by the same creature. It’s up to Kyle to find a way to end the curse once and for all before it’s too late.

Spoiler free review: despite some cheesy acting and story plots Darkness Falls is one of the better horror films of the early 2000’s. If you like over the top monster flicks this one is a good pick.

Review: The early 2000s were mostly known for the reintroduction of the epic movie trilogy and a slew of new franchises.  Many of the horror films of the early 2000’s were rather forgettable and poorly constructed having lost that sense of fun and fear that had once been their lifeblood.  However, a few films snuck in through the cracks of mediocrity, and, while not very groundbreaking provided some much-needed entertainment. 

 Darkness Falls is one such film; it is a sincere attempt to make a scary and entertaining movie    Darkness Falls kicks things off right with a chilling narration of the Legend of Matilda Dickson setting up the twisted fairy tale that is about to take place.  The story progresses through a flashback of our main character Kyle Walsh as he finds himself the latest victim of the tooth fairy’s wrath as the demonic fairy slaughters his family but fails to kill Kyle leaving him to pick up the pieces of his ruined life.   Several years later Kyle is all grown up and decides to return to the town of darkness falls to help a young boy who is now being hunted by the sinister tooth fairy.   

Darkness Falls is a relatively average horror film, by that I mean it’s one of those movies that are smart, fun and decently well written but it’s not earning 10’s across bored. It’s one of those movies that simply get lost in the shuffle and end up sitting on your DVD shelf for years before you even think about it again.  Does this mean it’s a bad movie?  Not by any means. Simply because Darkness Falls wasn't franchise bait or a revolutionary take on the horror genre doesn’t mean it didn’t do everything right for the type of story that was being told.  The unique thing about Darkness Falls was that this was the first major studio production for nearly everyone involved and yet it’s clear that the entire crew was locked into making the best movie they could within their limitations and lack of experience. I’ve seen a lot of bad movies, and I mean a lot, but very few show such love and dedication to their project and it was nice to see a director unapologetically stand up for his first movie, granted after looking through Liebsman’s filmography this might have been his best work.  It’s a real pity that actors such as Chaney Kely and Emma Caulfield never managed to really go anywhere past this movie as I felt they were both promising and energetic actors.  Lee Cormie is also to be commended as he wasn’t half bad for a child actor and for the most part making Michael a sympathetic and likable character. 

While the acting in Darkness Falls is decent it’s the effects that are great.  After some script revisions it was decided that in order for Darkness Falls to succeed as a film they needed the monster to be more front and center, so late, great effects wizard Stan Winston was called in to do a complete overhaul on the tooth fairy transforming her into the terrifying ghoul that’s in the final cut of the picture.  I love the elegance of the tooth fairy’s simple design and how effective it is,  especially with the excellent usage of lighting and shadow, the porcelain mask and the wraith-like body create an eerie but memorable figure and when the mask is finally removed the monstrous image underneath is not disappointing.  If Darkness Falls suffers from one noticeable flaw it is that the movie is a bit cheesy.  From the theme to the dialogue to the overall feel of the film Darkness Falls is undeniably cheesy, but personally, I like the over the top plot and hammy script,  I feel as though the corniness of the movie adds flavor and is what truly keeps it from being a forgettable movie.     

Darkness Falls is a paint by numbers monster flick, but the lines are all are well colored in and the picture while simple is still a pleasure to look at and shouldn’t be discounted simply because it seems a tad familiar. Darkness Falls does everything it sets out to do with its own unique style that makes what could have been a rather mediocre and boring film full of life and fun, sure the movie is cliché, but it uses those clichés in all the right places, which makes for a fun Friday night monster romp.

Fast Facts:

. The original title’s for Darkness Falls were the Tooth Fairy and Don’t Peak.

. The Hospital stairwell scene was done in one day and 12 shots and director had to fight tooth and nail to keep it in the movie.

. The car crashing through the hospital doors originally got the film crew in trouble, but once the studio saw the scene in action they loved it.

. Lead actor, Chaney Kley, actually sets his own arm on fire for final showdown with movies antagonist.

. The film crew visited various abandoned mental hospitals for research and found would occasionally find some rather freaky things such as, a room full of dead pigeons and a room that was covered with what looked like bloody writing on the walls.  

.Originally there was an unwritten rule for the creature that she couldn’t kill someone unless they were actually looking at her when she was trying to kill them, but this idea was eventually cut.

Quotes:

“I’m having a bad day Michel I had a dead guy fall on me” ~Larry

“When this hospital goes dark were all dead” ~Kyle Walsh

‘all this over a f*** tooth”~ Matt

“if you put me in the dark she’ll get me”~ Michele green

Mini-commentary:

.So this movie is basically telling me that Matilda shares the similar origins  with Freddy Kruger (00:1:50)

.for a curse she inflicted I feel like she ended up on the poorer end of the arrangement. (00:2:31)

. She is the loudest ghost I’ve ever seen. You know, pepole wouldn’t look at her ugly face all the time if she didn’t make so much noise.(00:7:55)

.how long does it take to pick up a tooth? What’s she doing in there for so long? You know what on second thought I don’t want to know. (00:9:50)

.Wait, are those ninja turtle toys in the bathtub? How old is this kid again? (00:12:16)

. I’m baffled; I just can’t understand why this guy keeps insisting on hanging out with Kyle if he hates him this much. (00:26:00)

.Who makes a picture book like this? Is there like a warehouse for demonic children’s books? (00:31:37)

.Right, so he’s hurting himself every time you put him in the dark and your worried about it escalating so your brilliant therapy strategy is to strap him down so you can put him in a blackout room? (00:40:00)

.Dang! That is not a little sting. Where did these doctors go to medical school, Sadist Academy? (00:46:42)

.I always love how this ghost that can travel from one end of town to the other in the blink of an eye but can t seem to keep up with a 10-year-old kid and his sister. (00:56:18)

.Where the heck are they? I thought this was a hospital? (1:00:00)

.I’ve always wondered how you make an insurance claim off something like this, what covers “a ghost tore apart my car.” (1:03:00)

.If the three stooges had to fight a ghost I imagine it would look a lot like this. (1:09:00)

.He can totally fit through there, don’t give me that nonsense. but I do like that there utilizing the kid in a creative and meaningful way. (1:10:20)

.She’s not dead. (1:10:55)

.I’m telling you she’s not dead. (1:11:18)

.What twist! Who could have possibly seen that coming?  Oh wait.. (1:11:37)

.There were teeth in her mask? That’s gross and had to be crazy uncomfortable even if she is a ghost. 1:11:57

.Ok, all joking aside that was pretty cool (1:12:00)

.I salute you movie avoiding the whole one last scare trope. (1:14:00)

.Lol what is this music? Somehow it doesn’t seem to fit with the rest of the movie. (1:15:00)

 The incredibly epic and atmospheric opening to the movie.

Underworld: Blood Wars *review*

Underworld blood wars

With Underworld Blood Wars being the fifth installment of the vampire vs. werewolves franchise out in theaters the question being asked is whether or this film can save this perpetually flailing franchise? apparently not.  First, let's all be honest with ourselves, none of the underworld movies are actually “good” movies there all cheap, trite popcorn action flix’s  that have fun visuals but are about as soulless as the blood sucking monsters they portray on screen.   Blood wars is just the natural evolution of this already confusing and poorly plotted film series, but that doesn’t mean it’s not any fun.

Unless you are already a fan of the Underworld series or, a lover of trashy cinema in general, then Underworld Blood Wars is probably not going anything redeeming about it for you.  Much of the acting is subpar, the plot is an embarrassing mess and the editing was done by the Hollywood Chimp Committee, which trades out primate labor for bananas.

by now your asking "So wait, I thought you said this was fun?"  what’s good about this movie?" well, for starters, not all the actors are terrible, our two leads Selene played by Kate Beckinsale and David played by Theo James are actually enjoyable to watch even if Beckinsale seems to be slowing down a bit. Thomas played by Charles Dance is also a fun treat to watch as he brings his game of thrones swagger to underworlds, which is appropriate since this was basically Game of Underworld.  I should point out that David and Thomas's  actors are to be commended if for no other reason then making me like their characters,  wich for underworld is a big feat mainly because Underworlds male characters, outside of those played by Bill Nigh and Michael Sheen respectively, are less than impressive.   

Since the plot is barely worth mentioning let’s talk about the action sequences that are underworlds bread and butter. Ranged from mediocre to entertaining enough, the fight scenes are a little more gimmicky than you would expect, relying on newer tech and superpowers to keep the audience in their

seats. Selene fights a lot but almost everyone one of her fights ends up with her getting a major beat down from every antagonist in the movie. Once Selene gets her new power set it adds a little more flavor to the battles, but the most impressive fight is the final battle between Selene and Marius where the movie showed some real spine. 

I could try and defend the film and say that it’s better than you think, but the truth is that it’s not.  Underworld Blood Wars is a dumb movie there’s no getting around that one, but if you sat through the entire underworld saga then this film is nothing you’re not used to, and there’s no reason you won’t have the same kind of fun you did with the rest of the series. If you’re new to Underworld I would recommend just staying at home and renting the original from Netflix.

MOVIE OBSERVATIONS:
*spoilers*

. Nightshade does what to Vampires? Ok, now you’re just making stuff up.

. Was that a back slap for accepting his role as High Elder? Ha-ha, that has to be the dumbest thing in this whole movie.

. I stand corrected. Marius’s werewolf form is the dumbest thing in the entire movie.

. Lol werewolves with riot shields.  Wait, why are they just now realizing how effective a tactic this is?

. You know, they make such a big deal about the hybrids being so strong, but they get killed pretty easy by purebloods.

. So Selene is a super sayian now?

. Fatality! Selene wins!

. So David just tells everyone to go home and its over?  Werewolves are just like, “ awww, I guess the party's  over. Such a buzzkill”

Arrival *review*

Arrival

Arrival is certainly the most entertaining and thought engaging movie I’ve seen all year if not the best film I’ve personally seen that has dealt with the subject of language, addressing both the importance of it and the struggle to conquer the barriers is represents.  Arrival is not a film to breakdown into pieces, it’s better when experienced naturally  as the less you know about the film the more enjoyable the experience you receive.   So out of deference to the film this review is going to focus specifically on the technical aspects of the film without really saying much more about its story or theme.

With that said I can’t talk about Arrival without talking about the impressive acting of both Amy Adams and Jeremy Renner.  It is very nice to Amy Adams start breaking out of her sweet and innocent roles and showing the world that she is a much more diverse actress then she often gets credit for. Jeremy Renner is also to be commended for causing me to stop making Hawkeye jokes early in the film and simpily become invested into the character he was currently portraying which was a refreshingly different kind of role for the avengers actor. The other actor roles were so small that it’s not really worth mentioning but it is always nice to see Forest Whitaker and his lazy eye pop up.

The visuals of the film were also very impressive as the actual special effects were rather reserved as the film primarily relayed on breathtaking camera shots and cinematography it was visual treat in all the ways movies used to be amazing before we relayed solely on CGI to sell our movies instead of actual talent.

Arrival is something that has been sorely missing from the theater of late, a solid think piece of entertainment that is not bogged down with pretentious Oscar bait soliloquies.  Arrival doesn’t feel like it has to cater to anyone but itself everything flows in a elegant narrative that can appeal to everyone, and In an era of cheap, knock off, check your brain in at the door movies it’s nice to see someone stand up and attempt to once again  challenge our minds without sounding like a  pompous snob.

Spoiler Corner: No seriously ,they are actual spoliers ,they will bite! Dont say I didin't warn you.

.  So the military wants a linguist to translate an alien language so they don’t start an installer war but they won’t actually take the linguist to the location to help communicate with the creature directly?  That just seems like a ridiculously unnecessary complication of the situation.  

. Why are all advanced races and people giant squids? 

. They even write in ink, come on!

.  That said I do actually like the featureless designs of the Heptapods it helps keep the focus on language as there are no facile features to read and very little body language to interpret.

. oh, look it’s a bomb,  how on earth did that ragtag group of soldiers get on the alien ship, plant a bomb and get out without the aliens or the military higher ups putting a stop to it.

. Subtitles!!!  Who else suddenly feels a great sensation of relief.

. Wait, they understand her perfectly now?  Were they were just trolling us the whole time?

.  OOOOHHH I get it now, that’s not now it’s later… that…that is pretty clever actually; I did not pick up on that one.

. So uhh, who’s going to tell Superman that Hawkeyes putting the moves on Lois Lane?

Cinema Saturday: Reign of Fire

Cinema Saturday Presents:  Reign of Fire

Run Time: 1h and 41min 
Year: 2002

Rating: PG-13

Movie grade: B

Principle Cast:

Director: Rob Bowman

Writers: Gregg Chabot & Kevin Peterka

Christian Bale : Quinn Abercromby

Matthew McConaughey : Denton Van Zan

Izabella Scorupco : Alex Jensen

Gerard Butler: Creedy

Synopsis: A local mining company awakens a species of dragon-like animals by accident.  With no way to stop them the earth is scorched by the dragon-like creatures and it’s now up to those who are left to find a way to survive this burnt earth.

Spoiler free review: if you like dragons this movie has dragons if you like to actually see dragons then this movie has very few dragons.  Decent apocalyptic flick as long as you don’t set your standards very high.

Review:  What if I told you there exists a movie where batman fights dragons amidst a post-apocalyptic earth?  I bet your already furiously typing batman vs. dragons into Google but don’t waste your time scrolling through hundreds of unrelated photos, and one truly mind scarring picture of a joker dragon,  the movie you’re looking for is called Reign of Fire  and it’s sadly not as epic as it sounds.

Reign of Fire begins with our main hero Quinn as a boy bringing some bad news about his scholarship, which I can only assume was for some kind of Ivy League privet school, to his mom.  Quinn’s mother is distracted by a work emergency and leaves young Quinn with a responsible adult who encourages a 10-year-old boy to explore an uncharted and dangerous mining cavern. Quinn, like any 10-year-old boy, eagerly enters the cavern and runs into a dragon nest. The rest of the film follows Quinn and other survivors of as they try and stay alive during a dragon ruled apocalypse eventually teaming up with a group of dragon slaying Americans.  

The premise is exciting enough, Dragons awaken in modern day London, humanity driven to the brink of extinction, but something gets lost in translation and the movie just ends up another offering to voracious critics to dismantle and destroy.  On the other hand just because the film might not be box office gold doesn’t mean we should undermine its entertainment value, arguably Reign of Fire is more interesting and better put together than some other films in the dragon market, after all, it does take dragons out of the sword and sorcery genera and place them in a more modern setting.   Ironically the problem with Reign of Fire is not its cheesiness, it's over the top acting, or even its insatiable quippyness, most of that is rather entertaining in its own ridiculous way. The problem is simply that the movie suffers from an underuse of the film's gimmick, that gimmick being dragons. 

The opening of the film hypes you up for a truly apocalyptic tale, you’re expecting to see dragons fill the skies while cities burn to the ground, but instead you’re shown shadowed out glimpses of the unfolding horror. When we finally arrive in the new barren future the world has turned to ash, leaving nothing visually stimulating for what feels like another 20 minutes. But who cares about all that, you came here for dragons and that’s what you really want to know about.  Well let’s put it this way When the dragons do show up they look good and they are pleasure to watch, all the sequences with the large Bull dragon are a real treat to be sure, but the screen time is mostly dominated by Christian Bale and his band of misfits bemoaning about how the world is dead.

The truth is the plot doesn’t really start moving until the Americans, led by Matthew McConaughey, show up.   McConaughey provides some much needed human conflict to the story as his character Denton and Bales character Quinn have very different views about how to deal with the dragon problem. McConaughey and bales performances, as well as the rest of the cast, are hammed up but enjoyable making the tensioned exchanges between Denton and Quill the most entertaining thing in the film, aside from the dragons of course.

The acting is hammy, the plotting is simple and there may not be nearly enough dragons but Reign of fire is still a fun modern B movie with plenty of antics and cheesiness to keep B-movie lovers more than satisfied  and keep’s  the film from becoming as lifeless as the ash burnt landscape that surrounds them.

  

Fast facts:

. The film was shot on location in Ireland

. The film crew needed to gain special permission to film on location since Irland had a major 

breakout of foot and mouth disease at the time

. The dragons in the film are a combination of many different animals.

. Arnold Schwarzenegger was orginally rumored to have a role in the film.

Quotes:

1^st Line: “hello Quinn!” ~ random construction worker

Last line:    “well here’s to evolution” ~ spoken by 

Denton Van Zan : “ Edens not burning its burnt”

Creedy: "Only one thing worse than a dragon... Americans."

Quinn Abercromby: Anything happens, you know what to do.

Creedy: Uh no. I have no idea.

Quinn Abercromby: Me neither.

Denton Van Zan: You see they have great vision during the day, and even better vision at night. But in the failing light, they can't focus. Magic hour.

Denton Van Zan: Envy the country that has heroes, huh? I say pity the country that needs them.

Mini-commentary:

. I always knew there was a clear link between birds and dragons. Pigeons have been in bed with dragons for years and now we have proof! (1:20)

. Ok, that’s like the 5^th quip I’ve heard in under five minutes: (3:34)

. Are you kidding me with this?  Go inside and have a look?  Glad we have such responsible adult’s here (5:16)

. It’s unsafe? That’s why you sent a 10-year-old kid down there? What on earth is wrong with you? (6:57)

.You know it would have been nice to actually see the apocalypse instead of letter writing and stock footage. 9

.Painfully Obvious Product Placement for Star Wars: (14 min)

. What? Dragon prayers? this is ceartinly the last thing I expceted to see in this movie. (15:27)

.That a good point! If these things are as ravenous as were led to believe how come they don’t eat each other? (26:24)

. So what’s the first thing the American does? Take a sip from a flask, is that a stereotype? I feel stereotyped. (30:39)

.You know, for all that bragging this doesn’t seem to be going all that well. (44:42)

.This is really not going well.  They may want to rethink that whole mighty dragon slayers thing. (47:48)

.All problems are settled through fisticuffs and pro wrestling (59 min in)

. And… there we go, the official “You’re not my real dad” moment every whiny teenager has. (1: 1: 02)

. A dragon attacking a castle, I see what you did there ... well-played movie. ( 1:1:12)

. So did that door just close all by itself? I'll just assume it's the pressure of the dragon flame pushing the door closed and not a movie mistake.  (1:15:15)

. Ahhh more Quips, I was starting to wonder why no one commented on the 666 earlier  (1:21:00)

.  That answers the cannibal questions but not why there are still so many. (1:21: 38)

. hahaha! I wonder if McConaughey tastes like chicken. (1:31:00)

. Ok so kill one bull and they all disappear? movie logic 1:36

 Clip of the dragon prayer.  Because the end of the world will turn everyone into dragon worshipers.

Cinema Saturday: Zeiram

Cinema Saturday Presents: Zeiram

Alternant Titles: Zeiramu, Zeram

Run Time: 1 hr and 32 min
Year: 1991

Rating: not rated

Movie grade: B+

Principal cast:

Director/Writer…. Keita Amemiya

Yûko Moriyama/Edie Mirman(dub)…. Iria

Kunihiro Ida/ Steve Bulen (dub) ….Teppei

Yukijirô Hotaru/ Robert Axelrod (dub) …. Kamiya

Masakazu Handa/ Jeff Winkless (dub)…. Bob

Mizuho Yoshida…. Zeiramu

Synopsis: a bounty hunter team lands on earth in order to catch one of the most dangerous and vicious intergalactic villains, Zeriam.  However their plans go awry when a pair of electricians stumble into their base and find themselves trapped in a virtual world with the deadly Zeriam.

Spoiler free review:   If you like 90’s sci-fi action films then this film will not disappoint. This movie has it all lasers, bounty hunters, electricians in gaudy uniforms and an indestructible monster bent killing everything in sight.  This is the kind of stuff that made the 90’s so great.

Review:
    Bring a torch with you because were delving deep into the vaults today to bring one of the best alien movies to come out of Japan into the light.  Zeiram is a true gem among the Japanese action sci-fi genera; it has everything anyone could want from a movie of this caliber, indestructible monsters, sexy bounty hunters, snarky computers and a lovable but bumbling comedic duo.   Zeiram follows the story of two electrician’s Teppei and Kamiya, played by Kunihiro Ida and Yukijirô Hotaru respectively, who upon a routine inspection find themselves transported into a virtual zone where the bounty hunter Iria has trapped the dangerous Zeiram. Hi jinks ensue as our two reluctant heroes’ are chased all throughout the virtual zone by the lumbering Zeriam.  The plot itself is basically what you would expect but that in no way dampens the enjoyment level of watching this movie.

   The performances of the cast are immensely enjoyable; they are just over the top enough to be entertaining but serious enough to be believable which fits the style of Zeiram very nicely.  Even the English dub deserves some praise for being a fun and pleasurable experience that not only does a rather decent job of distracting from awkward lip movements but manages to keep a lot dialogue close to its original source material; I would even argue that I prefer Bob’s dubbed voice to his Japanese one.   Whether it’s dubbed or in Japanese Zeiram never takes itself too seriously but doesn’t let its self get too silly either.  The pacing of the film is pretty well set with the slowest part of the movie being right after the opening credits as we get acquainted with our cast, which is still peppered with an assortment of amusing antics for the viewer to enjoy.   The actors themselves are a lot of fun to watch and for this being most of the casts first film they do a very good job, especially for Yûko Moriyama who truly creates a likable and relatable character in Iria, and a personal favorite of mine from Shusuke Kaneko’s Gamera trilogy Yukijirô Hotaru who steals the show away from his younger co star a little too easily.

   Truthfully all the actors are very entertaining in their respective roles but I always like to make a special shout out to the suite actors who are often the unsung heroes of these old monster movies and Mizuho Yoshida certainly knows his stuff as his performance as Zeriam  is very believable for a creature with no facial expressions Yoshida manages to convey a lot of personality and menace through simple body gestures and little help from some fantastic visual and audio effects.  It does help that the visuals of Zeriam are a real pleasure to look at and show an almost zealous amount of detail to the craft.

   All of Zeriam’s forms and Iria’s weapons are unique and fantastic from Zeriam’s secondary Oni head to Iria’s crazy laser bazooka.  Even Bob her computer partner has a fun a unique avatar that lets it expresses itself.  I really can’t praise the visuals enough as very few lower budget Japanese movies look this good. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the amazing score the film has; from the incredible synthesizer opening to the haunting Gregorian like chant that serves as Zeriam’s personal theme all of it being an incredible auditory treat.    Zeriam is one of those movies that seem to embody everything that was great about the late 80’s and early 90’s  it’s that weird movie you stayed up really late on a Saturday night to watch on some late night marathon and you never forget.  Any fan of cult cinema should absolutely give Zeriam a try.

Fast facts:

. Zeriam managed to produce an anime OVA and movie sequel

. Actor is also well known for his character in the Gamera trilogy

. Director also directed two season of Super Sentai entitled Zyuranger and Jetman

. during one night of shooting oil was used to help thicken the fog on set but since they had been shooting in a residential area some of the oil clung to drying cloths of several residents.

                                      

*Quotes:

Opening Line: “Keep the change maybe you can buy yourself a car” -Kamiya

Ending line: "Big Smile!" -Bob


Kamiya: “It’s Sunday and I don’t feel like going to work and this gorgeous babe walks by, I notice she drops something so I went after her like a gentlemen.”

Teppei: “What she do? Scream?”

Bob: *Rambles on about the mission*

Iria: Bob will you please shut up! If you don’t, I will be forced to infect you with a virus.

Bob: let’s not get carried away; after all were all friends’ right?

Kamiya: looks like a movie set; these filmmakers are always stealing from us.

Teppei: “(it’s) some kind of alien. when I asked for directions it tried to shoot me.”

Score: take a listen to a small clip of the awesome opening theme.

Mini Commentary:

. GAHH! This movie just started and it’s already insisting that I never sleep again. – (:59)

. Massive carnage, head impalement's and creepy monster this movie is going to be great!- (1:00)

. I’m not usually a big fashion critic, but what in the seven galaxies are they wearing? -(3:15) (17:20)

. that’s a clever segway and a wicked cool intro theme.-(13:36)

. wow, space people really are advanced, she’s already got the new PlayStation VR system.- (32.52)

. And I thought the last one was ugly. What did Zeiram eat that had fetus faces all over it? That’s seriously messed up and potentially disturbing that a multi baby faced aliens are running around the cosmos.- (40:00)

. Rummaging through a lady’s purse? Not cool man, she might be really sensitive about you seeing what types of grenades she uses.- (42.11)

. I’m guessing this is how the Japanese salary man feels when dealing with their difficult boss- (56.40)

. And Now You Know:  In Japanese superstition if you sneeze for no reason it means someone not near you is talking about . You and if you sneeze twice they are talking poorly about you.  For the sake of the joke most artists correlate just one sneeze with both good and bad gossip.- (58:50)

.Painfully Obvious Product Placement for: kirin beer- (1:04:30)

.That got him… oh, Well, not quite got him.- (1:13:49)

.There we go now he’s out for the coun…. What’s it take to kill this thing!- (1:21:00)

.Wait, Are those monster boobs? Japanese are weird.- (1:23:00)

.Boom! Head shot! About time!-  (1:29:20)

. ha ha ha we should take care of all are alien  monsters this way.

* all dialogue is from the English dub version of the film. 

Cinema Saturday : Forbidden Kingdom

Cinema Saturday Presents: the Forbidden Kingdom

Run Time: 104 minutes

Year: 2008

Rating: PG-13

Movie Grade: A-

Principle Cast:

Director: Rob Minkoff

Writer:  John Fusco

Jet Li: The Monkey King / The Silent Monk

Michael Angarano: Jason Tripitikas

Jackie Chan: Lu Yan / Old Hop

Liu Yifei: Golden Sparrow

Collin Chou: The Jade Warlord

Li Bingbing: Ni-Chang, the White-Haired Witch/Assassin

Synopsis:   Jason Tripitikas is a young urban white boy who idolizes the art of kung fu but lacks any martial arts ability himself. Jason spends his day’s day dreaming of being a martial arts master as he peruses Old Hops pawn shop for more Chinese bootleg of kung fu movies.   It comes as no surprise when young Jason is pressured by a group of gang bangers, who never got the memo that the fifties greaser is no longer a thing, to help them break into Old Hops home.  Things go wrong of course and the old shopkeeper is shot but with his last bit of strength Old Hop tells Jason that must take his prized possession, the staff of the monkey king, and begin a journey he will never forget in order to return the staff to its proper owner. Jason agrees and finds himself magically transported to a world that resembles ancient china but under the control of the ruthless Jade Warlord who will stop at nothing to make sure the staff never reaches its destination.

Spoiler free review: the movie is a fun love letter to the kung fu movie genera but it’s not exactly anything original. If you like Jackie Chan, Jet Li or just kung fu movies in general then you should absolutely give this movie a try.  If you have only a passing interest in the genera the movie is still worth a check out for it fun fantasy romp and entertaining storyline.

Review:   Kung fu movies by definition tend to be heavy on action light on story so it should come as no surprise when I say that the story of The Forbidden Kingdom is not the main reason you should be popping this film into your blu-ray player. This is not to say that the story is awful just cliché, but we will get to that in a minute. The real reason you should go watch The Forbidden Kingdom is because it stars both Jackie Chan and Jet LI, together, in the same movie.  If that’s not enough to get you to go out and rent this movie then just stop here because there’s nothing I can do to convince you that this movie is worth your time if that double billing doesn’t wet your appetite. But if having the two greatest living martial artist legends in a single film is not enough for you then maybe I should mention that they fight. Yes Jackie Chan and Jet Li kick the living daylights out each other for possession of the magic stick that once belonged to a smelly monkey man.  Aright, Alright it’s obvious you actually want me to do work and review this ridicules movie. 

The best way to sum up The Forbidden Kingdom is to call it silly and fun, a modern fable for the new generation.   Fable is honestly the best word I can think of when talking about The Forbidden Kingdom, the movie paces forward much like a fairytale with elements that are very childish and cliché while at the same time having flowery dialogue and a deeper more overarching message about the true meaning of kung fu.   That is how one needs to enter into The Forbidden Kingdom like they are walking into those old fantasy stories of their youth to gain the proper appreciation of the story.    

The acting in the movie is hit and miss but seeing as several of the actors were Chinese natives and only knew English as a second language I can cut them a bit of slack.  Obviously both Jackie Chan and Jet Li steal the show as they each play dual roles and put extra effort into making sure that their first clash was an epic one.   Collin Chou and Li Bingbing was also gave fun performances as the Jade Emperor and the white witch respectively. Michael Angarano does a great Shia Labeouf impression; seriously, you would think that Hollywood has a secret underground cloning facility, and the less said about Liu Yifei’s performance as Golden Sparrow the better.

What really sells me on Forbidden Kingdom is that despite how cliché and corny much of the film is I am never once bored.  The sets are absolutely breathtaking, both Jackie and Jet are in rare form as they both push their limits in both there acting and there fighting.    The truth is that for all its’ silliness and cliche antics it’s actually one of the more mature Martial artist movies.  Many kung fu movies are merely entertaining only for there fighting and the underfed outline that passes as a plot usually fails to be anything worth paying attention to.  Forbidden Kingdom however makes sure that its story always stays in focus despite the random fights that continuously break out. The Forbidden Kingdom is an excellent piece of Kung Fu cinema and has something for everyone so if you’re interested in martial arts this one is worth a look.

Fun facts

. While loosely based on the story “Journey to the West" The original concept for the movies script was born out of an original fable the writer would tell his son before bed.

.  During the back-story of Golden sparrow the village that is burning was actually set on fire for the take.

. During the village burning Colin chow’s horse despite having done numerous takes and having two handlers dressed as soldiers next to him, ended up spooked by the flames and refused to face the camera.

. The film attempts to use the word Gung-Fu which is the proper pronunciation of the anglicanized Kung fu but actor Jackie Chan was so used to saying Kung Fu that he had difficult time saying the correct pronunciation.

. The character of Jason Tripitikas was originally going to be changed to an Asian character but both Jackie Chan and jet Li insisted that the character needed to be white in order to demonstrate that kung fu is for everyone not just the Chinese.

Quotes:

Opening line:  Jason: What’s goin on, Hop? 

Ending line Jackie Chan narrator: “And so the legend is told, that the Monkey King began his journey west in search of truth while the traveler returned to his world to walk the path of the worrier and find his own truth.  As one tale ends so another begins.”

.Golden Sparrow: She should have killed you, witch!

Ni Chang: Not if I kill you first, orphan b****!

.Old hop: leopard style dragon style fly through air, fight on water, Crouching tiger spanking monkey.  I know you, another white boy who wants to know kung-fu.

.Lu Yan:  Praying Mantis. Very good…for catching bugs. But not tiger!

Mini Commentary:

. Have to admit sharing the J is a clever way of equalizing the byline between Jackie and jet   (1:17)

. the movie playing on Jason’s TV is  called  Monkey Goes West (1966) (2:39)

. this has to be one of the single coolest opening credit sequences I’ve ever seen. (2:50)

. So the kid that dreams of being a master fighter is bullied on a daily basis? You hear that? all board 

 the the cliche train!  Tropes and plot contrivances welcome!  (7:38)

.Did he just say loser cruiser? (7:42)

.I just can get over that his name is lupo.  I mean who names there kid that? (10:51)

. That’s putting it mildly but regardless jet Li’s performance as this crazy monkey person is fantastic. (18:31)

.Golden sparrow this movie is filled with odd names …and I’m ok with that. (28:19)

. Painfully obvious Product placement: for Virtual Fighter 2 (32:06)

. The moment you have all been waiting for…wait it’s over a half hour into the film and were just now putting these two together? That’s just criminal.   (37:31)

. That was a heck of a shot even by fantasy Kung Fu standards (1:05:00)

. I do like that it took three people to finally defeat the witch helping keep up her threat level as an 

enforcer. (1:25:00)