The Oscars are a powerful time of reflection and honor of those brave men and woman who push the boundaries of what we can imagine and challenge us all to be better people. This is what I would say if Hollywood had paid me, but since I don't see a check for $30,000 in my hand I prefer to have more fun in furiously poking at the Oscars for the liberal, ego stroking, popularity pandering monkey show it is. Ok maybe that was a bit harsh i'll only lightly poke it. So with out further Audi here are my 2015 Oscar observations since it would be to long to put in a Facebook post.
- Neil Patrick always has the best opening numbers. Probably has something to do with being a musician and actually being funny, most of the time anyway.
- Glad J.K Simmons won something that guy is great.
- I don’t believe there real predictions right now, so a locked box? Not really that impressive.
- Neil Patrick Harris nipples look like they could poke someone’s eye out. I wonder if there registered as deadly weapons.
- Making balls joke after someone talk about their son committing suicide? Really classy there Harris.
- So seat fillers are a thing? What? Are they afraid that when J.K Simmons goes up to accept his award that Jim Carry is going to steal his seat and not give it back?
- No one should EVER do a live stage presentation of Everything Is Awesome again.That acid trippy Disney on ice from hell production will never get out of my head.
- Jared Leto needs a haircut that or he’s auditioning for the next Jesus movie.
- Wait don’t woman have equal rights? When did I time warp back to the 1900’s
- Because they subbed it in best picture installer has to get best visual even though Dawn of the Planet of the Apes visuals were much more impressive.
- So little applause or X-men? Hollywood is full of mutant haters! I bet they have Sentinels outside that building just waiting to open fire on the first three fingered kid that walks in.
- Disney can win academy awards simply because it’s Disney. Not surprising King Mickey is a powerful force to be reckoned with and already has cut a bloody swath through the media industry forcing all to convert to his company or be destroyed.
- Every time the camera lands on Eddie Murphy he always looks like he just woke up from a nap and doesn't know what’s going on.
- About 2 hours in I realized I was completely bored with the Oscars which was bad because its right before we go through all the dead people and now I kind of feel like a terrible person.
- Joan Rivers was skipped when they went through the recently deceased, whoops! But then it’s not like she was Robin Williams or anything so her legacy isn’t that important.
- John Travolta needs to learn how to Stop flirting with his co host and just open the dang envelope.
- Wow, really going to try comparing slavery and civil rights to how people are treated today? Because Im must have missed the shackled slaves at the cotton plantations and the signs in front of olive garden that say “whites only”.
- Mass Incarceration Hooray! Everyone applaud …oh wait are we not supposed to clap for that?
- Somebody must have told gaga there was a dress code for the Oscars.
- Eddie Murphy sounds like he's tried and just wants to go home. He’s probably cursing the heavens for agreeing to do both SNL 4oth and the Oscars right about now.
- That’s two people who have brought up suicide at the Oscars. I hope this doesn’t start becoming a popular topic when accepting awards.
- “There are no rules to film making just sins and the biggest is dullness.” Well the Oscars certainly missed that memo.
- Thank you for sharing about what kind of underwear you have on and how it smells like balls. Gosh I miss the days when you could just use a hook cane and drag people off stage.
- Gahhh! Cate Blanchett looks like some kind of werewolf elf hybrid. It’s like she came straight out of middle earth.
- Random rocky theme of Matthew Mcconaughey, sure why not makes a much sense as anything else that happens at the Oscars.
- Eddie Murphy perks up as soon as he realizes the Oscars are almost over
- I pretty sure Patrick is the only one that cares about his Oscar predictions at this point.
- Shawn Penn looks a mess like he’s been doing a few lines in the back. Wonder if he brought enough for everyone.
- I was sure American sniper was going to get best picture but birdman makes sense since it’s all about acting and what not.
- Mexicans make the best movies! That is all.
- But the most important thing I took away from the Oscars this evening, yes even more important then best picture, was Rifftrax’s live tweet of the Oscars introducing me to Whiplash the cowboy monkey.
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