Cinema Saturday: The Relic

CINEMA SATURDAY PRESENTS: THE RELIC

Year: 1997

Run time: 1hr 50 min

Rating: R

Movie Grade: B+

Principle Cast:

Director: Peter Hyams

Writers: Amy Holden Jones (screenplay)

Penelope Ann Miller… Dr. Margo Green

Tom Sizemore… Lt. Vincent D'Agosta

Linda Hunt… Dr. Ann Cuthbert

James Whitmore… Dr. Albert Frock

Synopsis:  A surprise shipment from Africa unleashes a brain eating monster in the Chicago field museum.

Spoiler free review:  standard creature on the loose plot line but exotic setting and cool creature effects make it stand out above its competitors.

Review: 

It’s no secret that I love monster movies. Claws, drooling teeth, the works the more creepy creatures in a movie the more fun I usually have, but the market is sadly oversaturated with budget titles relaying on cheap effects and even cheaper storytelling to turn a quick dollar.  Company’s like Asylum and syfy have degraded the genera to a point where it’s hardly even fun anymore.  I really want to get excited for a stupid premise like Two Headed Shark Attack but when I actually watch the film it’s boring, with low payout for the hour and a half of tortuous dialogue and dead-end plotting.   That’s when I like to delve into the backlog of horror cinema and pull out the simple tried tired and true monster on the loose formula where it’s cheesy but very satisfying. This is where The Relic comes in, a mutated brain eating monster that terrorize a bunch of high-class socialites in the Chicago Field Museum? Yes please. 

The Relic is standard creature feature fare but the quality of the film and the devotion of the crew set the film well above its competitors. The Director Peter Hyams wanted to create in his words an “upscaled horror movie” and his finished product while perhaps not any kind of A class material certainly makes a strong case for high tier B movie ranking.   There are a lot of well-done creature features but The Relic feels different from all the 90’s monster films, mostly because it played its story completely straight and serious.  Most 90’s monster movie such as Tremors or Lake Placid played the whole monster angle a little tongue and cheek with goofy characters and plenty of jokes to break up the tension but The Relic goes for pure horror channeling Ridley Scott’s alien, whom the director was noted fan of.  The seriousness of the film is rather refreshing take on the whole genera there are a few silly lines and bad jokes but their kept to a bare minimum and the cast never spends time trying to insult a monster that most likely does not have the intelligence to understand you or the self-awareness to care.   Even though the film is more serious some the characters can come off a little hammy at times but never enough to break you out of the illusion of the film.  In fact, most of the actors do a fine job making you believe in them as real people and not just monster food, well except of Nameless security guards 1 and 2.

If there is one major flaw with the film is that its lighting is dark, I’m talking pitch black can’t see your hand in front of your face kind of dark.  The Director was a big fan of hiding the monster, and what you can’t see is far scarier than what you can.  Which works well enough as the museum beastie Kothoga is only in the movie for about 5 minutes and it’s still  an entertaining watch but while on the big screen it was still possible to make out what was happening but when converted to VHS and DVD the film would end up for all intense and purposes featuring  a lot of sequences  that were basically just long shots of black with scary noises or dialogue.   This was fixed for the now out of print blu-ray release but only to the affect that you can now see the film closer to how it was originally intended there are still many nearly pitch-black shots with boosted flashlights being your only source of light in a scene.

But even with darkened rooms and hard to see action when Kothoga finally shows up it is spectacular and another notch in the fantastic works of Stan Winston and his crew. the monsters design utilizes the hybrid nature of the creature to the full effect with its lion body and spider like fangs along with an assortment of other hodgepodged animal’s mixed in. 

If you’re looking for a good Creature Feature for your Halloween marathon or just want to see what a monster movie can look like when it’s not treated like a big joke then check out the “upscaled Horror” film The Relic.

Fast Facts:

. beetle guts were made out of guacamole

. ending of the movie changed because test audience did not cheer when monster was killed

. director considers this an upscaled horror film

.Linda Hunt and James Whitmore were divorced for 18 years at the time of this movie and thus did not have any scenes together.

. flashlights in the film were boosted to give off more light then normal.

. the film actually opened up at #1 when it was predicted to be #4

Quotes:

Margo Green: “You really are a gerbil!”

Margo Green: I'm an Evolutionary Biologist.

Student: What's that?

Margo Green: Someone trying to figure out where our tails went.

Margo Green: Using superstition to bring people to the museum is like hiring topless ushers for the Bolshoi Ballet.

Dr. Albert Frock:

Well if they did, I might go to the Ballet.

Agusta: “ We got a homeless ex con who get his jollies from ripping out people hypothalamuses? What’s he doing? Starting a hypothalamus collection?

Mini commentary:

2:44 this seems like a really bad idea.

3:00 : oh look its primeval cosplay.

3:31 these people are totally trolling this white guy and it is pretty funny ill admit.

9:05 that cat got some major distance, what? did they throw the cat act the actors?

15:20 right let’s just fondle all the unknown artifacts with your bare hands. I thought you guys were scientist.

16:20: the adventures of tweedle dumb and dumber.

17:42 don’t do drugs kids or monsters will eat you.

26:23:  right like it’s the polices fault that you barged up there like a mad woman despite being told not to.

27:54: Clearly, we have different definitions of the word empty since that crate earlier most certainly had leaves in it.

29:00 snarky autopsy lady check

32:50 with a murder investigation going on I don’t think just randomly deciding to explore the museum is a good idea.

32: 40: geeze someone get that poor monster an inhaler.

35:47 not sure if amusing or stupid, I guess it was kinda funny.

39:20 forget the Inhaler thing sounds like it needs a new lung.

58:00  I get that you want darker lighting to create atmosphere but... dang.

1:07:57 Now you know: by the directors’ own admission even he doesn’t have any explanation as to why the sprinklers are going off other than the fact that he thought it looks cool.

1: 21:25: you sir are way too excited about someone being murdered in your museum

1: 21: 3 :  aww yeahh this is the kind of monster carnage I came to see… I mean Oh no! that poor swat guy.

1:33:00: why is that the first-place women in movies put things?  I mean sure the average person is not going to just shove their hand in there but it also seems rather impractical for the character to try and hold an object between her bosom. I dont know why am even talking about this, wasn't there supposed to be a monster in here somewhere?

1:36:37 that is a great monster entrance and such a beautiful beastie.

1:39:55   When date night goes horribly wrong.

1:42:00 Things I learned from the movies; Animals explode when you light them on fire.

ala alien Dr. Margo Green gets and up close and invasive encounter with Kothoga.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters *review*

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Godzilla: King of the Monsters is a high action, high risk kaiju extravaganza that’s sure to please new and old fans alike, which is why it’s such a surprise that public opinion of the film is so divided.  While I never expected across the board praise, since despite much attention they have received recently, kaiju are still a rather niche genera, I certainly did not expect such backlash of what is otherwise a perfectly acceptable and entertaining entry in Godzilla’s long history.

So, what caused such diametrically opposed opinions?  To answer this lets analyze King of the Monsters in depth to find what elements worked and which ones less then desirable.  First let’s look at the overall tone of the film. As a rabid G-fan I appreciated the daunting task of recreating the Showa era Godzilla movies in a modern-day setting. Its no easy task to create the goofy, nonsensical, adventure feel of the Showa era in our more no nonsense and fear ridden culture.  Everyone these days want things to be more grounded more “relatable” so much that many of us have lost that sense of wonder and imagination that used to be so prevalent on the silver screen.  Theatrics are a dead art and trying to keep everything as “real” as possible is what sells tickets these days so it was really refreshing to see Dougherty combine the two elements in a way that should appeal to anyone who just want to have a good time. 

But a Godzilla film is only as good as its monsters right? So how do Godzilla and co.  stand up?  Amazingly well actually.  Each of the monsters have their own unique look, color scheme and personality adding a lot more flavor to the film as these inhuman creatures brought plenty of human characteristics to their interactions and conflicts while still retaining that animal like quality that the film emphasized so much.  Mothra’s gentler nature has never been better displayed in contrast to Godzillas more violent one, not to mention the character work in showing Rodan’s arrogance as he easily destroys the human forces only to brought low by Ghidorah, however if there is one monster worth spotlighting it is King Ghidorah. Ghidorah is the one monster I have always wanted to see in CGI so that this magnificent and complicatedly designed creature could really shine without all the limiters placed on a suit actor and King of the Monsters does not disappoint.   The tech wizards on this movie really earned their pay check as King Ghidorahs trio of head have never looked more alive always writhing and each displaying their own distinct personality interacting with each other as much as the other monsters around them. The only real downside to the monsters was that I did feel a little cheated by the lack of emphasis on Mothra and Rodan as the promotional material made is seem that both monsters were going to be as prominent as King Ghidorah and possibly lead to a major battle royal among all four monsters, in fact neither Mothra or Rodan actually fight with Godzilla, but even though the two monsters had smaller roles it did nothing to detract from the flow of the story or the excitement of the conflict.

So the Monsters are great and the action is great what is actually the major complaint the dissenters have with the film?  Well that would be the “human plot” which has been described as stupid, nonsensical and silly.  But if you have ever watched a Godzilla film you would now that I just described about 75% of the human stories in Godzilla films.  I fully admit that the Eco terrorist plot line was a bit ham-fisted and logically character motivations fell apart left and right not mention how many characters were so much characters as quip machines. This was all to be expected from the trailers and understandably alienated some film watchers however that said the human plot worked a lot better then I was expecting and the characters far more entertaining then originally theorized.  The humans are still the weakest part of the film but they hardly overpower the rest of the film.

If anything the visual feast that is Godzilla King of the Monsters more then makes up for any shortcomings in the film. The film was shot beautifully with an excellent usage of color and music to make each of the scenes pop with a magical aura to them.  Sequences like Mothra’s emergence from the cocoon were absolutely breathtaking rivaling GMK* for her best transformation sequence.   The film is loaded with imagery like this from King Ghidorah’s advent into DC to the Ancient lost city of Godzilla worshipers. Let’s not forget the phenomenal score by Bear McCreary who’s remixed

overtures for each monster are enough to give any fan goosebumps.

Godzilla King of the Monsters is a fun, wild entry to the annuals of Godzilla history and if you came to see giant monsters your going to get plenty of giant monsters and there really is no reason to come out of the film disappointed unless giant monsters aren’t your cup of tea, but then I don’t really understand why you went to see this film in  the first place.  So go get your popcorn and soda and just enjoy the spectacle that is King of the Monsters because it gives you exactly what you expect.

Final Thoughts:

. Rodan being Ghidorahs little **** is pretty hilarious.

.The Argo is a great nod to the old Sci-fi vehicles of the franchise like the super X or griffin.

. "Mothra Queen of the monsters"  well, there's goes my drink.

. Ok, so Godzilla gets a military escort in this one too but it’s the air force that gets the honors this time.

.  not sure how I feel about this symbiosis thing I always like it better when Godzilla and Mothra are at odds and actively trying to kill each other.. I wonder what the internet has to say about....*closes laptop lid*  that's enough internet for today.

. Loved all the metaphors to royalty, the false king bit had me rolling.

. On that note A+ to director for keeping Ghidorahs extraterrestrial origins.

. When Doughtry said be modeled King Ghidorah after his three dogs I was really curious to see what he had in store and the antics the three heads get into do not disappoint.

. missed opportunity to not play blue oyster cults Godzilla during the final fight.

. this movies basically confirms what I've always said that if we are comparing kaiju to superheros Godzilla is superman's power set with batman's personality. 

.The movie is not perfect but lets all be honest here if we are going to trash King of Monsters for corny plots, lackluster character motivations and cheesy acting then we need to rethink our evaluation of the Marvel movies because Godzilla is the same quality as most of those films .... if not better then a some of them.  Yeah that's right I went there,  gauntlet thrown.

*Godzilla Mothra King Ghidorah: All Monsters Attack

Journey into the odd: Mothman Festival

Journey Into the Odd: Mothman Festival and Museum

In 1966, on a brisk November evening, a lone car full of friends drove home completely unaware that the events of that night would change their lives and the lives of their sleepy little town forever.  On their way back home, Roger and Linda Scarberry along with Steve and Mary Mallettte would witness something unexplainable.  According to the accounts the young couples would later give as they passed by the old abandon power plant their headlights would fall upon a strange grey horror in the shape of a man but with two large wings and bright red glowing eyes.  Panicked, the couple floored their vehicle leaving the mysterious creature behind.  This would later become one of the earliest sightings of the infamous Mothman of Point Pleasant West Virginia.

1966 was a year full of hardship for Point Pleasant but over the years the little town has embraced its single year of terror and tragedy, moving on from the destruction of the silver gate bridge to focus on the mysterious events of those 12 months in 1966.  This healing process included erecting a museum and a statue dedicated to the mysterious Mothman and in 2002 Jeff Wamsley, director of the Mothman Museum, decided that holding a festival in order to help bolster Point Pleasant’s economy as well as providing a fun weekend of escapism for locals and tourists alike would be just the thing to keep his home town relevant.

It was not until this year that I actually discovered the festival, I had been aware of Point Pleasant and its famous monster since childhood and the statue and the museum had been on my radar for years as a must-see travel destination.   I’ve just never had the time or money to make the journey but when some financial difficulties forced me to move to rural Ohio I was looking for something to just help with the frustrations of my current status, so I began looking at places I could travel to that were fun, relatively inexpensive and close.  So, when I found that point pleasant West Virginia was only a mere 3 hours away I began doing some research into the town and it’s lore and when I discovered there was a whole festival dedicated to the Mothman legend I knew that the time to visit the mysterious town of Point Pleasant had finally come.

Its hard to describe the giddy feeling of anticipation as you actually travel to accomplish something you have wanted to do since childhood, to visit a place that you have only read about in books to be able to go an visit that place, to experience it and know that it is real and that you are there, well dear reader I can only say that I hope and pray each and everyone of you get to experience that feeling in your lifetime.

As I made my own journey through the backwoods of Ohio and west Virginia I couldn’t help but feel as if I was star of my own personal horror story, an out of towner following road signs to a small little town in where mysterious happenings had occurred, I couldn’t help but let my imagination run away with itself for a little while making even the driving up to Point Pleasant entertaining. 

Despite leaving later than anticipated the drive up to West Virginia was still very relaxing with little in the way of traffic until we actually entered into Point Pleasant where we finally hit the festival traffic, but in comparison to some conventions I’ve attended traffic moved at a reasonably brisk pace.  The hardest part was trying to find parking as there were only a few signs for festival parking and none them actually directed you to where it was, I would later find the entrance to the festival parking lot down a side street but by then it didn’t matter anymore,  there are a few local business that will let you park in their lots but anyone traveling down for the festival will want to be wary of signs discouraging parking as these would be park at your own risk.

The festival itself was a surprisingly large street festival where they closed down the town’s main street to setup dozens of booths, food stands and rides for everyone to enjoy.  The most surprising thing about the whole celebration was that while Point Pleasant’s infamous monster was the center theme of the whole affair it wasn’t much different than any other community day fair in any other town, with plenty of events that would make it a fun family affair, making what could have been just a few die-hard enthusiasts sitting in a room sharing conspiracy theories a much more involved and entertaining event.

I was informed by the locals that this year was biggest year the festival has ever seen, which probably has something to do with the vault 76 booth giving out free Fallout swag to advertise the latest game that takes place in West Virginia.  I didn’t get a chance to visit the booth as the wait was almost twice as long as the museum and I had come here to experience the festival and museum so I chose to pass on the cheap plastic video game swag and enter into the legendary Mothman Museum.    

The Mothman Museum itself was a two-room warehouse with the front room being the gift shop/front desk and the back room being the actual museum. The museum portion was larger then expected but still quite small and a casual look around probably would take no longer than 15 minutes. However, if one wanted to actually indulge in all the museum had to offer one could spend a good portion of their day in there, because as I entered into the museum I was intrigued to find that the majority of the museum was mostly furnished by written material, newspaper clippings, letters, magazine articles and so on.  There was a lot to read and I myself, only reading a few articles in depth and skimming over most of them, spent about 30 minutes in the museum. Along with all the Mothman elements the museum also had a section dedicate to one of their hometown hero’s Mary Hyre and a memorial for the Silver Bridge incident, making the Mothman museum a kind of time capsule, a preserved memory of one incredibly bizarre and tragic year for this little town.

The gift shop was also a nice treat with plenty of paraphernalia to waste your money on, even if some the items could be found for much less online.  The gift shop felt like and attraction all itself with all the different merchandise to look over I probably spent over 15 minutes just perusing through their novelties.

Upon leaving the Museum I enjoyed various booths and food trucks that were scattered all across the festival while making my way to my last major event for the evening which was the TNT area bus tours.

The Bus used for the tours was very nice and made for a comfortable and pleasant ride through out Point Pleasant but the tour itself was a little on the shallow side. Our host for the tour was a young woman whose family ran the museum and a wise cracking teenager that laughed at his own jokes.  The woman gave out some interesting information but most of it were things that I had already read about or just general information nothing that really stood out as exceptional and her co-host mostly made bad jokes without providing a lot of real substance.
  

The highlight of the trip was arriving at the TNT area and entering into one of the old-World War II bunkers used for storage dynamite and other explosives. It was dark and eerie in in the middle of the day and with lush forest and marshy lands surrounding it it’s easy to see how someone could let their imagination run away with them or how something strange and mysterious could appear at  a moments notice.

The trip back to point pleasant was rather uneventful and as I stepped of the bus I knew that while I enjoyed my short excursion across Point Pleasant I probably wouldn’t waste any more money by taking the tour again deciding that next time I would instead do my own off the beaten trail exploring of the mysterious TNT area. With the tour done I took some time to soak in a little bit more the festival grabbing a cup of Island Noodles from a local, which were delicious, and finally set off for the journey back home.

 My short time spent at this weekend affair is one that will always make me smile looking back on it. the Mothman Festival exceeded my expectations and was light on the wallet making it an amazing weekend getaway for anyone even remotely interested in the Mothman legend, and even if you have not interest in the Mothman the Festival itself is still a lot of fun and a nice opportunity to explore a small town that otherwise would just be passed through.  I highly recommend the event and even if you cant make the festival the museum and statue are open year round for anyone passing by the little Town of Point Pleasant.

A heads up before you head out:

.The Festival is free but some activities may cost money such as the museum and tours.

.Cell phone reception during the festival is almost non-existent or at least it was for AT&T, other services may have better luck but plan accordingly.

.The tour claims that it lasts about 2 hours when it really wraps up in one

.A tour ticket will also act as free admission to the museum.

.Parking can be tricky so the earlier you can get there the better but when in doubt just follow the crowd.

.The festival is a street festival so make sure you have some cash on you for any vendors that done take cards.

.Many of the local restaurants on the festival strip are full up all day so if you’re looking to eat at any

.of them make sure you have enough time for a 20 min and up wait time.

.Further information can be found on the Mothman Museum site and the Mothman festival site.

Journey into the Odd: The Living Dead Museum

Journey into the Odd: The Living Dead Museum

In the quest to visit as many oddities in the united states as possible the Living Dead Museum was definitely a must see. After all, how many museums are their specifically dedicated to zombies? As far as I can tell just the one. Located right on the outskirts of Pittsburg in Evens city Pennsylvania The Living Dead Museum can easily blend in with the rest of the store fronts surrounding it if not for its impressively large stand-out sign that make the museum very visible to passerby’s, but still zombie fans might want to keep both eyes in their sockets in order to not miss it or the parking lot behind the stores. 

From the parking lot to the store is just short walk back up to the Museum entrance and it’s easy enough to find the right building as the Living Dead Museum is all boarded up to up to keep out the ravenous flesh eating undead. Upon entering it should come as no surprise that the entire Museum is a one room rented store space split in two, with the front half being a gift shop while the back half is dedicated to the fully visible museum part.

The Museums itself is small, but only costs $5.00, so it takes about 10 minutes to go through at an appreciative pace so you might want to plan on seeing some of the other sights in Pittsburgh while you’re in town. Because of the size there is only so many prob to see, but what they have is impressive. The walls are covered with zombie memorabilia and quick facts about all of them there is a diorama recreation of the Monroeville Mall from Dawn of the dead which is actually located only 30 something minutes from the museum.

There are some more impressive features in the Museum including an old radio playing the original radio broadcasts that were heard in the film Night of the Living Dead, a mural that has the hand prints of all the zombie stars that have visited the museum and several original movie props from various Zombie films in cinema history.

When your through with the museum there is a small theater room where you can watch Night of the Living dead and several documentaries about the filming of the movie. There are no showtimes so what you get is what you get but it’s continuously playing as long as the museum is open.  Finally, there is the gift shop which has plenty of zombie memorabilia to choose from but very little in the way of Museum merchandise which some may prefer.

 
The living Dead Museum is a fun stop for any road trip but any vented adventurer of the bizarre and unknown knows that when looking for attractions that are off the beaten path you’re really going for the experience of something different and not necessarily to be dazzled by something as elaborate as Disneyland.  To the average tourist this place might seem underwhelming in comparison to museums like the Smithsonian but the Living Dead Museum has certainly come a long way in the five years its been open.  Starting out as a simple mall store word got out about what was going on and soon various individuals began donating actual movie props and money until they were finally able to purchase an actual storefront where they could set up all the fantastic displays they now have. So if your into zombies, oddities or just something a little different  and you happen to be driving through Pittsburgh take a detour to evens city and visit the birthplace of the zombie craze just make sure to plan out the rest of your day since the Museum won’t take you that long.

And now you know!

The living Dead Museum is closed on Mondays and Tuesdays only open upon appointment.
Entrance fee to the Museum is 5.00

Learn more at the official website

 

Cinema Saturday : Darkness Falls

Cinema Saturday Presents:  Darkness Falls

Year: 2003

Runtime: 86 min 96 min for extended blu-ray edition

Rating: PG-13

Movie Grade: B+

Principle Cast:                  

Director: Jonathan Liebesman

Writers: Joe Harris (story), John Fasano (screenplay)

Chaney Kley:  Kyle Walsh

Emma Caulfield: Caitlin Greene

Lee Cormie : Michael Greene

Synopsis:  The town of Darkness Falls has a dark secret that has been haunting them for centuries.  A ghostly figure haunts this sleepy little town, a vengeful spectator that snatches away anyone who is unfortunate enough to look upon her face.  Kyle Walsh is the only one to ever escape her clutches and now a little boy is being hunted by the same creature. It’s up to Kyle to find a way to end the curse once and for all before it’s too late.

Spoiler free review: despite some cheesy acting and story plots Darkness Falls is one of the better horror films of the early 2000’s. If you like over the top monster flicks this one is a good pick.

Review: The early 2000s were mostly known for the reintroduction of the epic movie trilogy and a slew of new franchises.  Many of the horror films of the early 2000’s were rather forgettable and poorly constructed having lost that sense of fun and fear that had once been their lifeblood.  However, a few films snuck in through the cracks of mediocrity, and, while not very groundbreaking provided some much-needed entertainment. 

 Darkness Falls is one such film; it is a sincere attempt to make a scary and entertaining movie    Darkness Falls kicks things off right with a chilling narration of the Legend of Matilda Dickson setting up the twisted fairy tale that is about to take place.  The story progresses through a flashback of our main character Kyle Walsh as he finds himself the latest victim of the tooth fairy’s wrath as the demonic fairy slaughters his family but fails to kill Kyle leaving him to pick up the pieces of his ruined life.   Several years later Kyle is all grown up and decides to return to the town of darkness falls to help a young boy who is now being hunted by the sinister tooth fairy.   

Darkness Falls is a relatively average horror film, by that I mean it’s one of those movies that are smart, fun and decently well written but it’s not earning 10’s across bored. It’s one of those movies that simply get lost in the shuffle and end up sitting on your DVD shelf for years before you even think about it again.  Does this mean it’s a bad movie?  Not by any means. Simply because Darkness Falls wasn't franchise bait or a revolutionary take on the horror genre doesn’t mean it didn’t do everything right for the type of story that was being told.  The unique thing about Darkness Falls was that this was the first major studio production for nearly everyone involved and yet it’s clear that the entire crew was locked into making the best movie they could within their limitations and lack of experience. I’ve seen a lot of bad movies, and I mean a lot, but very few show such love and dedication to their project and it was nice to see a director unapologetically stand up for his first movie, granted after looking through Liebsman’s filmography this might have been his best work.  It’s a real pity that actors such as Chaney Kely and Emma Caulfield never managed to really go anywhere past this movie as I felt they were both promising and energetic actors.  Lee Cormie is also to be commended as he wasn’t half bad for a child actor and for the most part making Michael a sympathetic and likable character. 

While the acting in Darkness Falls is decent it’s the effects that are great.  After some script revisions it was decided that in order for Darkness Falls to succeed as a film they needed the monster to be more front and center, so late, great effects wizard Stan Winston was called in to do a complete overhaul on the tooth fairy transforming her into the terrifying ghoul that’s in the final cut of the picture.  I love the elegance of the tooth fairy’s simple design and how effective it is,  especially with the excellent usage of lighting and shadow, the porcelain mask and the wraith-like body create an eerie but memorable figure and when the mask is finally removed the monstrous image underneath is not disappointing.  If Darkness Falls suffers from one noticeable flaw it is that the movie is a bit cheesy.  From the theme to the dialogue to the overall feel of the film Darkness Falls is undeniably cheesy, but personally, I like the over the top plot and hammy script,  I feel as though the corniness of the movie adds flavor and is what truly keeps it from being a forgettable movie.     

Darkness Falls is a paint by numbers monster flick, but the lines are all are well colored in and the picture while simple is still a pleasure to look at and shouldn’t be discounted simply because it seems a tad familiar. Darkness Falls does everything it sets out to do with its own unique style that makes what could have been a rather mediocre and boring film full of life and fun, sure the movie is cliché, but it uses those clichés in all the right places, which makes for a fun Friday night monster romp.

Fast Facts:

. The original title’s for Darkness Falls were the Tooth Fairy and Don’t Peak.

. The Hospital stairwell scene was done in one day and 12 shots and director had to fight tooth and nail to keep it in the movie.

. The car crashing through the hospital doors originally got the film crew in trouble, but once the studio saw the scene in action they loved it.

. Lead actor, Chaney Kley, actually sets his own arm on fire for final showdown with movies antagonist.

. The film crew visited various abandoned mental hospitals for research and found would occasionally find some rather freaky things such as, a room full of dead pigeons and a room that was covered with what looked like bloody writing on the walls.  

.Originally there was an unwritten rule for the creature that she couldn’t kill someone unless they were actually looking at her when she was trying to kill them, but this idea was eventually cut.

Quotes:

“I’m having a bad day Michel I had a dead guy fall on me” ~Larry

“When this hospital goes dark were all dead” ~Kyle Walsh

‘all this over a f*** tooth”~ Matt

“if you put me in the dark she’ll get me”~ Michele green

Mini-commentary:

.So this movie is basically telling me that Matilda shares the similar origins  with Freddy Kruger (00:1:50)

.for a curse she inflicted I feel like she ended up on the poorer end of the arrangement. (00:2:31)

. She is the loudest ghost I’ve ever seen. You know, pepole wouldn’t look at her ugly face all the time if she didn’t make so much noise.(00:7:55)

.how long does it take to pick up a tooth? What’s she doing in there for so long? You know what on second thought I don’t want to know. (00:9:50)

.Wait, are those ninja turtle toys in the bathtub? How old is this kid again? (00:12:16)

. I’m baffled; I just can’t understand why this guy keeps insisting on hanging out with Kyle if he hates him this much. (00:26:00)

.Who makes a picture book like this? Is there like a warehouse for demonic children’s books? (00:31:37)

.Right, so he’s hurting himself every time you put him in the dark and your worried about it escalating so your brilliant therapy strategy is to strap him down so you can put him in a blackout room? (00:40:00)

.Dang! That is not a little sting. Where did these doctors go to medical school, Sadist Academy? (00:46:42)

.I always love how this ghost that can travel from one end of town to the other in the blink of an eye but can t seem to keep up with a 10-year-old kid and his sister. (00:56:18)

.Where the heck are they? I thought this was a hospital? (1:00:00)

.I’ve always wondered how you make an insurance claim off something like this, what covers “a ghost tore apart my car.” (1:03:00)

.If the three stooges had to fight a ghost I imagine it would look a lot like this. (1:09:00)

.He can totally fit through there, don’t give me that nonsense. but I do like that there utilizing the kid in a creative and meaningful way. (1:10:20)

.She’s not dead. (1:10:55)

.I’m telling you she’s not dead. (1:11:18)

.What twist! Who could have possibly seen that coming?  Oh wait.. (1:11:37)

.There were teeth in her mask? That’s gross and had to be crazy uncomfortable even if she is a ghost. 1:11:57

.Ok, all joking aside that was pretty cool (1:12:00)

.I salute you movie avoiding the whole one last scare trope. (1:14:00)

.Lol what is this music? Somehow it doesn’t seem to fit with the rest of the movie. (1:15:00)

 The incredibly epic and atmospheric opening to the movie.

Underworld: Blood Wars *review*

Underworld blood wars

With Underworld Blood Wars being the fifth installment of the vampire vs. werewolves franchise out in theaters the question being asked is whether or this film can save this perpetually flailing franchise? apparently not.  First, let's all be honest with ourselves, none of the underworld movies are actually “good” movies there all cheap, trite popcorn action flix’s  that have fun visuals but are about as soulless as the blood sucking monsters they portray on screen.   Blood wars is just the natural evolution of this already confusing and poorly plotted film series, but that doesn’t mean it’s not any fun.

Unless you are already a fan of the Underworld series or, a lover of trashy cinema in general, then Underworld Blood Wars is probably not going anything redeeming about it for you.  Much of the acting is subpar, the plot is an embarrassing mess and the editing was done by the Hollywood Chimp Committee, which trades out primate labor for bananas.

by now your asking "So wait, I thought you said this was fun?"  what’s good about this movie?" well, for starters, not all the actors are terrible, our two leads Selene played by Kate Beckinsale and David played by Theo James are actually enjoyable to watch even if Beckinsale seems to be slowing down a bit. Thomas played by Charles Dance is also a fun treat to watch as he brings his game of thrones swagger to underworlds, which is appropriate since this was basically Game of Underworld.  I should point out that David and Thomas's  actors are to be commended if for no other reason then making me like their characters,  wich for underworld is a big feat mainly because Underworlds male characters, outside of those played by Bill Nigh and Michael Sheen respectively, are less than impressive.   

Since the plot is barely worth mentioning let’s talk about the action sequences that are underworlds bread and butter. Ranged from mediocre to entertaining enough, the fight scenes are a little more gimmicky than you would expect, relying on newer tech and superpowers to keep the audience in their

seats. Selene fights a lot but almost everyone one of her fights ends up with her getting a major beat down from every antagonist in the movie. Once Selene gets her new power set it adds a little more flavor to the battles, but the most impressive fight is the final battle between Selene and Marius where the movie showed some real spine. 

I could try and defend the film and say that it’s better than you think, but the truth is that it’s not.  Underworld Blood Wars is a dumb movie there’s no getting around that one, but if you sat through the entire underworld saga then this film is nothing you’re not used to, and there’s no reason you won’t have the same kind of fun you did with the rest of the series. If you’re new to Underworld I would recommend just staying at home and renting the original from Netflix.

MOVIE OBSERVATIONS:
*spoilers*

. Nightshade does what to Vampires? Ok, now you’re just making stuff up.

. Was that a back slap for accepting his role as High Elder? Ha-ha, that has to be the dumbest thing in this whole movie.

. I stand corrected. Marius’s werewolf form is the dumbest thing in the entire movie.

. Lol werewolves with riot shields.  Wait, why are they just now realizing how effective a tactic this is?

. You know, they make such a big deal about the hybrids being so strong, but they get killed pretty easy by purebloods.

. So Selene is a super sayian now?

. Fatality! Selene wins!

. So David just tells everyone to go home and its over?  Werewolves are just like, “ awww, I guess the party's  over. Such a buzzkill”